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Buried deep in the earth between furious geysers and immense glaciers, lies the lost treasure of Viking Poet Egil Skallagrimsson, where it has remained unearthed for more than 1,000 years. The two chests of silver coins, waiting to be discovered, promise a find of both historic and monetary consequence. In August 2001, an impressive international team with members from New Zealand, Canada and Great Britain will embark on the expedition. The team is well rounded with a collection of scholars, adventurers and technical experts who will follow a sophisticated methodology involving some of the most advanced equipment and techniques in hope to dig up the booty. Forming an integral part of the party is myself, inexperienced in the treasure-hunting arena yet a legend with the shovel. People say I am to a shovel like Hendrix was to a guitar. I will use this valuable gift to dig away every grain of dirt that covers the solid chests, buried under a millennium of frozen soil. My instincts, ability to endure the harshest of conditions and aptitude to cook pasta and baked beans has ensured my selection to the team. It is not just me who possesses such an impressive array of characteristics crucial to the success of such an assignment, my fellow team members each possess skills of a similar standard in their respective fields. Every treasure hunter has dreams of how they will spend the loot if they are lucky enough to uncover it. I don’t want to be one to count my chickens before they are hatched, but with the portion of my split that I don’t give to charity, I will buy a Fiat Bambina, give it a little more horse power, put a good wireless in and cover its interior with red shag-carpet. I will drive the wee wagon from the Fjords of Norway to Arris in Northern France, where fellow treasure hunter, General Jick, and myself will participate in the Paris-Dakar Rally. From Dakar, I will do a loop of Africa, then onto Nepal via the former Soviet Block, where I hope to climb to the top of Mt. Everest. After reaching the world’s highest point, I will drive to the South Coast of India, get a yacht and circumnavigate the high seas of the globe making calls in most of the worlds great coastal cities. The last port of call will be my hometown of Wellington, where I will set myself up a nice house on the hill with a view, and quite possibly a weekend escape in the Marlborough Sounds, with a vineyard/ranch in Martinborough. So I guess the only thing left to do now is dig!

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